Many’s the time when I’ve stood out here, staring, fixated, at the stars. Brilliant holes in the darkness, as if needles had studded the deep blue cloth in an attempt to sew up forever the mysteries of the universe. That project failed, as all projects of that sort do. And instead of wrapping us in a tight sheath and sealing us in ignorance, it’s exposed us to the glittering lights of knowledge not yet gained.
Knowledge is funny that way. It appears despite all efforts to conceal it. When you don’t know about something, you never imagine it might exist. And when you finally find out– well, then you don’t know how your world could have ever existed without it.
It’s been a while since we arrived at our new home. That’s all I can say, for months and years are meaningless far from Earth. But I still seem to sleep and wake up as though I were on that planet.
A lot of things have changed for us since we’ve been there. Most importantly, the Princess has found a new way to rule. Her strict smiles that lit our way then have been transformed into gestures of more warmth, letting the people see what we have known about her for quite some time. No longer the completely dedicated, perfect, untouchable ruler she was, she now appears to the people as flawed, but gentle, and accepting of others’ flaws– of the little bit of Chaos in our hearts, she says with a secretive smile. The people love her as they loved her then, but more genuinely, more freely, and we three have grown in our love for her too. She has truly become great. Guided by her hand, our meager band has turned the bare rock of Shinsei into a thriving colony. There were only a handful of survivors at the start. But every so often a familiar face will wander over the hills, confused as to where they’d been, but happy to be reunited with us. And there will be a small spark of gold in the sky, and we’ll look upwards gratefully.
As for us personally, we are living in an orbiting palace, Star Castle. Shinsei is a small planet, and the idea of a satellite was Taiki’s, “to maintain a constant and even vigil over the colony,” so he said. I really have to give him credit for that– it was a wonderful idea. Wonderful ideas are his business now.
Seiya’s business is somewhat different. He is the Princess’s consort now, and they do seem very happily in love. But there’s a blonde-haired angel hiding behind his dreams sometimes– not that I blame him for that. She remains, fluttering, in all our hearts. The symbol of all we’ve learned from our time on that world. All we’ve taken back with us.
But still I stand, staring out into the infinity we’ve traveled. And I ponder love, and the curious differences between man and woman. I never knew there was such a thing as gender, and now that I do, I can’t get my mind off it.
Logically, it’s a rather primitive concept, especially for a society that knows love. Why should the choice of partners be limited? I think back to that enigmatic pair, Haruka and Michiru. They are both of the type “Woman,” but so in love nonetheless. I feel sorry for them– Michiru shall never know the joy of carrying her true love’s child, or vice versa. Just because they don’t have the correct match of parts. It seems cruel to restrict it that way– why shouldn’t one know the full joy of their beloved, whoever they may be? Here, of course, we have no genders, although some people act “masculine” or “feminine” as it is called on Earth. Everyone is capable of both impregnating and being pregnant. And everyone is therefore equal.
But still– I was a “guy” on Earth. And, I suppose, now that I think about it, I feel like a “guy” too. And I wonder– what would it be like? And when all is still, and no stars move but prick me in the eyes with their pinpoint stares, I even wish. Wish– I wish I could return– I wish I could become a male for real. If I was a male for real, maybe…
(And the stars stare me down, daring me to continue…)
…if I was a male for real, maybe she…
Read the rest of this entry ?
