Thirty First Kisses, #6 – Between the Dream and Reality

In the dream, when Matt comes home, there’s the smell of lasagna and a running hug from Molly, who’s up far too late, and Mohinder is standing in the kitchen cleaning up. There are soap bubbles flying through the air and a huge grin on his face, because Molly has just said something incomprehensible but indescribably cute. His rich, chocolatey voice purrs out a “welcome home.”

In reality, there’s a note about leftovers in the fridge and having to work late, and Molly’s put herself to bed, the poor kid.

In the dream, the phone rings and it’s Matt, his voice like a puff of scented smoke over the line, asking is he OK? and does he need something or at least some company? and when is he coming home?

In reality, Mohinder works on soulless software uninterrupted until 3 a.m.

In the dream, when Matt’s alarm clock goes off, there is a figure sprawled in a chair next to his bed. Mohinder has wandered in late last night and has checked on Molly, then him, and as he was contemplating just how much he cares about the man, sleep overtook him.

In reality, morning comes with cartoon sound effects and cereal bowl clinks and an 8-year-old who needs to be sent off to the bus, and while Mohinder has come home, he’s wiped out in his own bed, oblivious.

In the dream, Mohinder wakes up in time to walk Molly to the bus stop. Matt comes running down the sidewalk a minute later, just in time to hand Molly her lunch box. Watching her get on the bus and say hello to friends fills them with pride, and when Mohinder’s hand slips into Matt’s, he just smiles, and it all falls right into place.

In reality, Mohinder sleeps right through the morning routine and awakens to an empty apartment and a message on his cell phone from a pissed-off boss.

In the dream, when Officer Ingalls asks if he wouldn’t mind strolling to the Java House to discuss the Rivers case, Matt can see right through it. And he sets her straight immmediately, telling her that he’s not interested and there is someone else, thank you very much. And that afternoon he goes home to his family.

In reality, he can’t think of a thing to say in return, and he orders a triple-shot mocha frappo because he feels so damned sorry for himself.

In the dream, when Mohinder wanders by and sees Matt deep in conversation with a young, attractive female cop, Matt senses his presence and looks up. And he panics and tears out of the coffeehouse at breakneck speed, chasing after him and confessing that it meant nothing, she was just giving him advice on how to win Mohinder’s heart, because he’s always loved him and couldn’t get up the courage to say anything.

In reality, Matt doesn’t see him, and Mohinder stomps on by, suddenly in a very foul mood.

In the dream, Mohinder isn’t upset at him, or if he is, he brings the issue up in a casual way, or even seriously, but directly. Matt’s able to set him straight on whatever it is, and the awkward moment passes.

In reality, Mohinder doesn’t even say hello to him when he returns from work. He goes straight to the kitchen and starts frying up food with spices so hot that they almost seem intended to make Matt’s eyes water. And he does not look him in the eye.

In the dream, Matt smashes down the bedroom door, or at least pounds on it, demanding to know what the problem is. And when Mohinder sends out the mental image and gives Matt the clear impression that yes, he is jealous, well, that’s when Matt DOES break down the door and cover him in kisses, swearing that he’ll never make him hurt like that again, and if he’d only known how Mohinder felt…

In reality, Mohinder can hear him pacing outside, occasionally stopping in front of the door but never once having the courage to knock. And Mohinder is the one who has to open the door first.

In the dream, Mohinder speaks first, confessing that he’s been so distant because he’s been fighting these feelings for so long and he no longer knows how to contain them, and it’s so hard to be around Matt and not tell him everything, all his secret, urgent desires and his ridiculous romantic fantasies. And Matt embraces him, and all of the hiding is finally, finally over with.

In reality, Mohinder simply asks him if he’s seeing that lady cop he was with this afternoon. And Matt can only stumble over his own tongue and blurt out, “What if I am?”

In the dream, he continues, “But I’m not. She means nothing to me.”

In the reality, Matt crosses his arms defensively, and Mohinder bites his lip to stop the tears from coming and looks away. “I’m glad there’s someone you’re interested in,” he hears himself say.

In the dream, Matt says, “There is… but it’s not who you think.” And Mohinder looks up with glittering eyes and there is a moment of beautiful truth.

In reality, he’s not nearly so suave, and he doesn’t really know what he’s doing as his body acts without him and he rushes forward clumsily, trapping Mohinder in an awkward embrace, unable to help himself. And Mohinder gives a little yelp and goes rigid but then is still, his hands in fists against Matt’s chest.

In the dream, nothing more need be said.

In reality, Mohinder has to ask. “What are you doing?”

In the dream, the answer is in that first kiss, sweet and expressive.

In reality, Matt’s words jumble together. “You’re wrong, you’re wrong. It’s not like that. It’s you. It’s always you. It’s always been you. I want you.“

In the dream, Mohinder is smiling.

In reality, there are still tears in his eyes as he angles his face in for that first kiss.

And somewhere between the dream and reality, that first kiss happens.